Life as a Turk
by Laili the Turk
Summary: The funny stories of the Turks and Rufus with everyone else as they live in the ShinRa building. Humor.
1. Hips Don't Lie

With test subjects called mydad and cousin... I was able to whip this up. It's named after my Turk RPG (see my profile for link) and its another humor Turk drabble fic.

I'm getting the next chapter to Chibified typed up. Bakamonkey13 was able to help me, she's in my RPG as Elena's sister from Before Crisis as Aia.

So... Rufus! Disclaimer!

Rufus: Laili does not own Final fantasy VII or any of the following

Thanks and here it is...

* * *

Life as a Turk

Chapter 1: Hips Don't Lie

Reno was on his computer, surfing the net and listening random music from music videos playing on the internet. Rude was on the other side, going through file cabinets listening to the rock music Reno had playing.

Then the song that'll change the world… came on…

Shakira was on the screen singing her new song… 'Hips Don't Lie'…

"_oh baby when you talk like that…_" Shakira sang as she danced. Reno was sipping at his coffee then looked, as his eyes grew big.

"RUDE!" Reno spitted out his coffee and hit pause. "Come here."

"What is—" Rude looked over Reno's shoulder and Reno hit play. "God… is she a robot?"

"I don't care… this is good." Reno smiled and watched. "Hey… this was in Costa del Sol! Sweet!"

Tseng was walking by, files in hand for Reno to do. He opened the door and walked in…

Y_ou know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection…_

Shakira was on the screen shaking her hips and dancing. Tseng walked up and dropped the files on the floor in shock.

"Is she human?" Tseng asked. Reno and Rude went 'Shush!' and watched. Tseng watched.

"She's good." Tseng nodded.

Few seconds later… Rufus was in the halls looking for Tseng, drinking his coffee. Tseng was supposed to have some paperwork that needed signing.

He walked by Reno and Rude's office and saw Tseng… and heard the song…

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body…_

Rufus dropped his coffee in horror as he saw Shakira dance. "Who is this?"

"Shakira! SHUT UP!" All three Turks turned to Rufus and went back to their previous state. Rufus joined them.

"Is she Hojo's experiment, moving her hips like that?" Rufus asked.

All four men watched.

Elena walked by with arm loads of paperwork. She entered Reno and Rude's office to see the President and all three Turks surrounding a computer…

"Umm… guys?" Elena asked.

"Shh!" All three men turned with fingers to their lips. "Shakira…"

The song continued…

_I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel you boy  
Come on let's go, real slow  
Baby, like this is perfecto _

Oh, you know I am on tonight and my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
The attraction, the tension  
Baby, like this is perfection…

Elena thought to just wait… in a few more seconds it was over.

"Hey. Elena?" Reno asked.

"What?" Elena raised an eyebrow. "Enjoyed Shakira?"

"Yeah…" Reno rubbed his head. "Tseng you ask her."

"I ain't going to ask Elena—" Tseng started.

"You want to lose a paycheck?" Rufus growled. Tseng shook his head no.

"Ask her." Rude nudged him. Tseng sighed and turned to Elena.

"Can you shake your hips like Shakira can?" Tseng asked. In rage… Elena slapped them all before you can say 'Holy Jumping Chocobos Batman'.

"BUNCH OF PERVERTS!" Elena shouted, slammed the paperwork in Tseng's arms and stomped off.

All four men stood there with red handprints on their faces and watched Elena stomp off.

"So…" Reno started. "Wanna watch again?"

"YES!" All three men turned and smiled. Reno hit the play button again.

All the men watched again as Shakira sang and danced on the screen.

Hojo's lab…

"Ah perfect…" Hojo hit the stop button when Shakira was done. "She is the ultimate dancer… created by me…with help with robotics and mako to enhance her body shape to be perfect. A lovely work of art… my greatest…"

"Professor Hojo, we have a problem with the chimeras." A scientist interrupted Hojo's rambling.

"Fuck… I'm coming…" Hojo cursed.

* * *

I thank my dad and cousin as test subjects for this fic.

Send me some reviews. I feel very happy when I get good reviews.

Rufus: Shut up... you'll jinx yourself!

Shut it Rufus. no cookie for you!


	2. Cheese Part 1

Hey! Chibified is almost ready for its next chapter. So, here is Chapter 2. This is featuring my little hero from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends in the episode 'Mac Daddy'. If you seen it, great! If not, read this. You'll love the little guy.

Ru-

Rufus: Laili does not own any of the contents in this chapter.

Wow,I did't have to tell him to do it. This is in 3 parts so heres Part 1!

* * *

Life as a Turk

A bunch of funny drabbles as life of the Turks and Rufus with everyone else in the ShinRa building!

Chapter 2: Cheese Part 1

"Come on Elena, I need to have my phone back." Rude complained for the 500th time. Elena covered the mouth piece.

"Shut up!" She hissed and went back to the phone. "I'm sorry? What Mom?"

Rude sighed. This was going to take forever.

"I like chocolate milk." A small, somewhat creepy voice spoke.

Elena stopped talking and turned to see a yellow, weird little creature, two feet, arms, huge head, red eyes, and looked… a little retarded. Rude looked at it and adjusted his sunglasses.

"I like chocolate milk." He spoke.

"Rude, is that yours?" Elena asked.

"No, and I think I know you like chocolate milk." Rude answered Elena and tried to be nice with this little creature.

"Can I have some chocolate milk?" It asked.

"Rude. Go get him some chocolate milk." Elena shooed him off with her hand. Rude hesitated then walked to the Turk lounge. The little yellow creature followed very, very close. Rude stopped.

"Can I have some elbow room please?"

"Okay…" It said. Rude walked again and it caught up again. Rude stopped again. "A little more elbow room please…"

"Okay…" It said. They finally got to the lounge and Rude grabbed the carton of milk and gave it to him.

"Now, I'll be right… aww… shit…" Rude smacked his forehead. The creature had shook the contents of a flower pot, consisting of Reno's cactus named 'Spike head' and dirt and was pouring chocolate milk into it…

"Elena! THIS THING IS USING A FLOWER POT FOR A CUP!" Rude shouted.

"Well stop him!" Elena shouted. Rude pouted and took the chocolate milk, making the creature scream. He panicked and shoved the carton to his mouth and made him drink it. "Shh… okay okay… sorry."

"ACK! RUDE!" Reno shouted and grabbed the milk. "Who gave him chocolate milk! HE'S LACTOSED INTOLRENT!"

Reno ran in and threw a small book bag on the ground, opened it and shoved a juice carton into Rude's hands while Reno wiped the creature's mouth of chocolate milk and gave it the juice carton form Rude's hands.

"There." Reno said. The creature began sipping from the straw.

"Reno... how the hell did you know that?" Rude yelled. "What is this thing?"

"My niece's imaginary friend, she had to go to Costa del Sol with my sister and Cheese can easily get sunburned there so he's with me for a while. I couldn't leave him at home alone so… here is Cheese. Cheese, this is Rude."

Cheese was sipping the dear life from the juice carton, making his lips almost go in his mouth and his eyes bulging out. He let go and exhaled, letting his tongue out and repeating it.

"RENO!" Tseng walked in. "I need you for a… who is this?" Tseng pointed to Cheese.

"Cheese, my niece's imaginary friend." Reno smiled. "What do you need boss man?"

"You are needed in Junon for a day to escort the President. Get to the helicopter pad now." Tseng rubbed his forehead.

"But whose going to look after Cheese?" Reno pouted.

"Rude will now get going!" Tseng stomped off. Rude looked away and Reno grinned.

"Will you look after him for me?" Reno asked.

"For what?" Rude pouted.

Cheese came between the two with a toy chocobo. "Here's my chocobo, bada dump, bada dump, bada bump bump bump…" He rode the little chocobo on the side of Rude.

"Come on pal, I'll get the booze." Reno smiled. Rude didn't answer.

"I'll get a movie." Reno offered. Rude still didn't say a thing and Cheese was still going. "Bada dump, bada dump…"

"Take you to the new strip club bar tomorrow night." Reno grinned. Rude looked at Reno.

"You will?" Rude asked. Reno grinned. "Yeah! Just keep an eye on him for the night."

Rude looked down at the floor. "Okay, but you're—WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT!."

Rude shouted at Cheese, who was now making the chocobo face whomever was talking. "I'm a cowboy… BAA!

"Great! See you later pal…" Reno smiled.

"NOW YOU'RE THE CHOCOBO!" Cheese clobbered Rude to the floor, making Reno flinch.

Reno ran off before Rude could kill him.

"kesskk… floor taste funny." Cheese replied.

* * *

I love Cheese! And Rude was perfect for going crazy! Send some reviews! I love reading them!

Cheese: Yay! Reviews! Reviews taste funny.

Rufus: Dear lord, how'd he get here...


	3. Trick or Treat?

Trick or Treat

Eh… I havent written for a llooooonnngg time. Bad me I know. Well. Here is a Halloween special for you! Rufus!  
Rufus: Laili does not own anything or even Halloween…  
Here it is! Inspired by one of my friends who does this to me all the time at Upward Bound -

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Tseng's Office 

Tseng sat at his desk working to get the paperwork done before four p.m. He had about… 2 more hours before things were done for October.

* * *

Back in Reno and Rude's office…

"Dude!" Reno sat up at his desk. "We need to scare Boss Man, Elena, and Prez-boy"

Rude looked up from the book he was reading… and took his feet off his desk. "Explain to me how we are going to scare"

Reno was already a step ahead. He had his jacket off and was putting on a yucky brown cloak. He then reached into his desk drawer and pulled out the scariest skull mask and strapped it on, then put the hood of the cloak on.

"Well?" Reno asked his partner. "I am good or what"

Rude sighed. "Please.. Unless you can get Tseng to scream like a girl like you do, I'll buy you the beer tonight for the party"

Reno grinned. "Good… Rude, come here, you need to help me with this"

* * *

Meanwhile… in Elena's office…

Elena sat at her desk filing her nails. She had nothing to do and off course had decorated her office a little bit for Halloween. She had a pumpkin on her desk, a bat and a small ghost hanging from the ceiling, and a small pumpkin pin on her blazer… Trust me, Elena knows not to overdo it…

Suddenly Elena heard freaking noises… like a zombie was going through the building… Elena got up with caution and pulled out her gun… It's probably one of Hojo's experiments again… the President isn't going to like this report… Elena thought to herself. She then carefully opened the door and bolted into the hallway with the gun out…

"Eeeeeeeee…..LLLeeennnn…..Aaaaaa…." The Grim Reaper hollowed. He was carrying his scythe with one hand and dragging a dead Rude with his other… Rude had blood all over his unfirm and his throat looked like to was slit. Elena screamed and bolted into her office and locked the door. "Oh my god! Rude! NO!" Reno chuckled and then with his 'boney hand' scratched at the door. "EEE… Llleeennn… Aaaa"

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I'M TO YOUNG TO DIE! I HAVENT EVEN GOT MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS YET!!!" Elena was bawling. Reno and Rude chuckled and then went down the hall to Tseng's office…

* * *

Tseng sat at his desk working. He took a sip of coffee and went back to work. "TTTsss…. Eennnnngggg…." A raspy voice called out. Tseng looked up and paniced in his seat…

The Grim Reaper was at his office door… a dead Rude in hand…

Tseng began to freak out. "DON'T YOU KILL ME YET! I'M ONLY 30 AND I HAVENT SEEN MOM AND DAD FOR 5 YEARS! PLEASE"

"MMaaayy…bbbee…." The Grim Reaper hollowed. "… Ooorr…. NOT"

Tseng screamed and ducked under his desk, he then grabbed his gun and cocked it. He then finally got his grip as he heard the Grim Reaper come closer. He then shot out and fired the gun twice. The Grim Reaper fell over.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE AND DON'T TRY AND KILL ME!" Tseng shouted back. Reno groaned and sat up. He then ripped off the mask. "DUDE! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SHOOT ME FOR"

Tseng stood there in horror… he shot Reno!? Twice?

"Reno? What the hell were you thinking… and why aren't you dead?" Tseng asked. Reno sighed as he stood up and opened the cloak to reveal a bullet-proof vest.

"I aint that stupid yo." Reno then closed his cloak. "But I"

"Please say Rude isn't dead." Tseng asked with a stern tone and look. "I'm alive sir. I was just a prop." Rude said as he stood up. "And Don't worry, this fake blood is just ketchup, I can wash it…"

"What about Elena?" Tseng asked.

"Well… we…" "SIR!" Elena ran into Tseng's office and hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad you havent been-- HOLY SHIT!" Elena had noticed Reno and screamed. All the men laughed.

"It was just Reno, Elena." Tseng chuckled. "They got me good too"

Elena then walked over to the laughing Reno and slapped him. "DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN RENO"

"Well… I got you so good.. Now… anyone want to help me get Prez-boy?" Reno asked. Elena and Tseng shared looks at each other then at Reno.

"Got anymore ketchup?" They both asked.

* * *

Rufus was seated in his massaging chair which was giving him a nice good back massage as he was reading a report from Tseng earlier. His phone began to ring and Rufus hit the talk button. "Yes."

"Sir. You have a-- AAAAHHHHH!!!" His secretary screamed and the speaker was shut off. Rufus then yelled into his speaker phone. "Miss Anne! What is going on"

The doors then burst open and then came the Grim Reaper. He was dragging in his three Turks… all dead.

"RRruuuu… FFFuuuussss…" The Grim Reaper's raspy voice spoke. "Yoouuu'rreee…. NEEXXTTT"

Rufus began to get scared… he was starting to sweat and his adrenaline rushing through his veins…

Wait a minute…

Rufus then stood up and grinned. He then pulled out his shotgun and shot at the Reaper. _He remained standing…  
3 'dead' Turks… bulletproof vest… its Reno._ Rufus grinned.  
"Reno, unless you want me to not give you your paycheck that you haven't picked up today… knock the shit off…" Rufus sat back in his seat. "You too everyone else"

Reno dropped his head. "Aw shit"

The other three Turks stood up and cursed. Reno took off his hood and mask and pouted. "How did you"

"Reno, it was so obvious." Rufus then cleared his throat. "One… the real Grim Reaper would already have claimed you. I only saw 3 of you. Two. When I fired my shotgun… it was obvious that you have a bulletproof vest on and that you do have 2 bullet holes in your cloak. Third… that's ketchup"

All the Turks lowered there heads. But Reno shot his head up. "But… how can I carry 3 Turks if I can only carry 1"

"You have strength materia." Rufus smiled. Reno cursed…

"But… it was an excellent joke. Care to get the other executives. I'll help." Rufus grinned. All the other Turks grinned.

* * *

**The verdict:**  
Palmer had peed his pants and had fainted from seeing the Grim Reaper, 3 dead Turks, and the President dead.

Heidegger freaked out and hid under his desk and refuses to come out.

Scarlet screamed like a little girl and fainted. Hojo sent his chimeras on them and the Turks and Rufus did escape with no harm… Now Hojo is in big trouble for letting the chimeras run loose around the building and is now cleaning up their 'messes'.

* * *

Rufus: I always knew that it was a joke

Yeah right Rufus. I know you...

Rufus: Shut up.

Well... here is the halloween special! Hope you enjoy!


	4. Names

Well. Once again. Back to updating my fics. This chapter is dedicated to my special someone in my life... You'll see who it is at the end of the fic. Rufus! Disclaimer!

Rufus: Laili does not own anything in this fic except for the ninja squirrels not present in this fic. But does own the special guest.

Enjoy!

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Chapter 4: Names

It was pretty much a normal day for Reno and Rude in their office. Coffee, paperwork, piss Elena off, dig up some potions for Reno, paperwork, more paperwork, lighting paper on fire, Reno gets yelled at by Tseng, shots fired, dig up a phoenix down for Reno… the normal day.

Rude sat at his desk, quietly filing all the paperwork now. Once they were filed, it was off to lunch. Reno sat in the mess of undone papers playing on a hand held game system with his feet up on the desk.

"Reno, It'll save you so much time if you just do the paperwork and then use your free time to play." Rude lectured the red-head. Reno yelled at his hand held game system.

"NO! Damn it, I lost. I was 500 points away from seeing Sponkey Donkey!" Reno whined. Rude lifted his eyebrow and shook his head in disbelief. The phone then rang.

Rude turned and hit the speaker button. "Reno and Rude. What do you need?"

"Rude. Just the man I need to talk to." Rufus was on the phone. "Can you come over on your lunch break. I need some help with something. I'll order some pizza, chocobo wings, and cola for lunch."

"Yes sir. You don't mind if Reno comes?" Rude asked.

Rufus sighed on the phone. "I can use some amusement. Why not. Have that artificial redhead come up."

"I HEARD THAT GEL HEAD!" Reno shouted. Rufus chuckled on the phone.

"See you at lunch time." Rufus then hung up. Rude turned the speaker off and went back to filing his papers.

"Gel Head?" Rude asked Reno.

"He doesn't use the hair gel properly. Don't slick it back, women wanna run their fingers through the hair… not over it like Rufus does." Reno sat up and did some paperwork for once. Rude just rolled his eyes.

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Reno and Rude walked into Rufus's office. Rufus had the pizza, wings and soda sitting on his desk, fresh from the Shinra Café.

"You wanted to see us sir?" Rude asked.

"Yes." Rufus popped open the pizza box and grabbed a paper plate. "Sit, eat. I'll explain."

The two Turks did as they were told. Eating around Rufus's desk on pizza and wings, washing it down with ice cold cola. Reno then looked at the corner of Rufus's desk. He noticed it was a small tank full of water with plants and rocks in it. A red fish with blue and black tint was swimming through, it had very lovely fins and was very active in his little water home.

"Hey. Spoiled Brat. You got a fish?" Reno looked at it. "For a rich, cold heartless man this is all you could get?!"

Rufus rolled his eyes and sighed.

"The reason I asked for Rude was for tips on caring for a 'betta fish'." Rufus then took a sip of his drink. "I got him just to keep me a little company in here since Dark Nation is no longer with us."

Reno was too busy making faces at it. Sticking out his tongue and mocking the fish. The fish flared in anger at Reno.

Rude adjusted his sunglasses. "Being that he is in a one gallon tank, you will need…" Rude began writing it down on a notepad. Rufus nodded as Rude explained more on fish care.

Yes, Rude has a thing for fish. Has a lovely goldfish at home named Zippy.

"I see. So, clean the tank once a week and feed him--- RENO CUT THAT OUT!" Rufus snapped. Reno was halfway through making a bug eyed raspberry look at the fish, making him flare so much he smack the side of the tank, stunning himself.

"Ha. Fish are stupid!" Reno laughed, almost out of his chair. "Did you see that?!"

Rude shook his head in disbelief. Rufus growled and rolled his eyes. Reno then began to tap the tank.

"RENO! CUT THAT OUT!" Rude snapped. "Fish do not like that. Don't worry about him Rufus, he'll be alright in a little moment. Just stunned."

Rufus was thinking. "Got any idea for a name for him?"

"Stupid ass fish." Reno spoke up.

"No. Dumbass." Rufus sighed.

"Well. I have no idea. Ask some other employees." Rude asked. "Naming your fish does make a bond between owner and pet."

"Okay then. A contest. Best name for the fish, gets a 5,000 gil raise on their paychecks." Rufus smiled. "Thank you Rude. And Reno, leave my fish alone."

Reno and Rude left. As they walked out. Rude whacked Reno on the back of the head, calling him a crackhead in the process.

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The announcement was made. Employees were lining up at Rufus's door with a name for the new aquatic member of Shinra. All they knew was that it was red, male fish.

Scarlet wanted to name is Scarlet. Sadly, it was a boy. So no.

Hojo wanted to name it Experiment 626. Rufus rejected that one.

Many more names came. Twitchy, Red, Flare, Solar, Fire, Rufus Jr. The names rolled in. None of them Rufus liked.

At the end of the day. Rufus was packing up. He turned off the fish's light and got up, until he heard a woman clearing her throat. Rufus looked up to see Elena, Tseng, and Rude at the door.

"You got a name too?" Rufus asked.

"Yes sir we do. All of us came up with one. Except Reno." Elena nervously smiled. Rude nodded.

"We'd like to name him--" Tseng started.

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The next day. All the Turks sat at their table in the Shinra Café, eating their deli sandwiches.

"So. Reno, did you help Rufus with a name?" Elena asked.

"Yeah. Stupid Ass Fish." Reno said with a mouth full of ham and mustard. He then swallowed it. "Denied on the spot."

"Aw. Sorry Reno." Elena looked down at her sandwich. The speaker came on.

"Ladies and Gentlemen at Shinra Co." Rufus announced. "I have greatly appreciated your support into helping me name my new fish. I have now drawn out one and the person who gave me the name will have a 5,000 gil raise."

Everyone quietly whispered. Everyone hoped that they would get it. Rufus then spoke.

"Tseng, Elena and Rude each get a 5,000 gil raise." Rufus announced. Everyone looked at the Turk table.

"My new fish's name is… Reno." Rufus confessed. "Alright. Get down your lunch and back to work."

"WHAT?!" Reno shouted. "I don't get the raises but the fish is named Reno!?"

Tseng chuckled. "Well, Rude said you two got along so well. At least you have the honor of having it named after you."

Rude chucked as well. "We love you Reno. We really do."

Elena giggled. "So, wanna send the papers to Rufus and Reno today?"

Reno glared at everyone. "Ha ha. Very funny. You all suck!"

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Rufus sat back in his chair in his office. He then looked over at Reno the fish and smiled at it. "Like Rude said, naming the pet makes a bond between owner and pet."

Reno the fish swam happily in his tank. Rufus then went back to eating his salad.

"Though I must say. You do remind me of Reno a lot." Rufus chuckled.

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Yep. This chapter goes to MY red betta fish named Reno. Had him for a year since Christmas.

Little tidbit for you. A Cowboy Bebop reference was made in here. Anyone know where it is?

Thanks and Review!


	5. The Unknown Hobby of Rufus and Tseng

Hello once again! I bring you once again another chapter to enjoy. This one has a bit of a twist. Beware, there is a tad bit of Ooc-ness in this one. But it was somewhat needed. Disclaimer!

Rufus: Laili does not own anything in this fic except for the ninja squirrels not present in this chapter.

Enjoy!

--

Chapter 5

The Unknown Hobby of Rufus and Tseng

"Dude. Where the hell is Tseng." Reno was sprawled out on the couch in the break room as he was once again, throwing his EMR in the air and twirling it like a baton thrower. A traditional habit for Reno to do when he was bored.

Rude sat at the table reading _The Midgar Times,_ everything was set from the paper plates, plastic eating utensils, and napkins, along with the bottle of ketchup. Now, usually it's grab whatever you need once food is on the table but for this occasion… Rufus was going to eat lunch with them.

Elena was tidying up the break room. Once it was a mess of left-over blazers thrown on chairs, some trash… and a dusty floor. Elena had her head in the fridge as she was cleaning out left-over food that had been sitting there since Ifrit knows how long.

"Well. Tseng was going to ask Rufus what he wanted to eat. It's a good plus on pleasing a boss Reno." Elena spoke as half of her body was halfway through the fridge.

She then grabbed a plate with blue fuzz that moved that made Elena scream and fall over onto the floor. Reno sighed and got up and with his Bolt materia, cast Bolt on the attacking blue fuzz ball alive in the fridge.

"Thanks for finding my six month old ham sandwich Elena." Reno smiled and laughed. "I was wondering where he ran off to."

Elena growled as she got up and glared at Reno. "I'd be pounding you to the floor if I had something to eat!"

Rude looked at the sight of the two starting to bicker over this and that. He sighed and spoke up. "Get along children."

"NO!" Reno and Elena yelled at Rude. Then they proceeded to get back to bickering about how hungry they were.

"Then YOU go look for Tseng and bitch to him about it!" Reno shouted. "Then proceed to get into his pants!"

"My feelings for Tseng have nothing to do with this Reno!" Elena shouted back. "You and Rude can go look for him while I clean and kill your science experiments in the fridge so that we can put leftovers away!"

Rude dropped the paper and looked at the two. "How about you both go look for Tseng and complain to him other then yourselves."

Reno and Elena were silence as the two glared at each other. The two rolled there crossed their arms, looked away and rolled their eyes. "FINE! We'll go together!"

Rude smiled at his fact to stop the bickering and covered his face with the newspaper.

"But YOU can take care of the blue fuzz balls in the fridge." Elena smiled at Rude, yanking the paper away. "Here is my fire materia. Have fun. Call if you need back up."

She dropped the fire materia in his hands and grabbed Reno by the collar. "C'mon Reno. We'll go find our boss and gripe and bitch about hunger."

Rude sighed as the two left, then heard a growl from the fridge. He threw his hand and cast fire on the blue fuzz ball that was about to crawl out of the fridge.

--

The two Turks stood in Tseng's office. His chair was empty.

"Well. Tseng ain't here." Reno started as he turned on his heel, put his EMR on his shoulder, tapping it, and walked out. "Let's go look around. Maybe he's around the floor."

Elena began to follow Reno out and around the floor.

"Where is Tseng?" Elena asked.

"Beats me. Maybe he ran away from his fan girl that's walking with me right now." Reno answered. Elena growled and smacked him in the back of the head.

"I'm not his fan girl." Elena hissed. "Let's ask the other executives."

--

Rude sat down in the chair, exhausted. "Jeez, how many of those things were there?"

The mission was a success. He defeated five mold flans, plus the boss which was Reno's leftover Wutaiian food which was multi-colored and huge. Rude gained only 200 EXP though, and 121 gil.

He kicked the door closed and looked around. "Might as well find those two. Hopefully they haven't killed each other."

Rude got up, adjusted his suit and sunglasses and head out.

--

"So, you saw Tseng go into Rufus's office?" Reno asked Reeve to make sure he was right.

"Indeed. Said something about ordering lunch." Reeve answered. "I haven't seen him since."

"Thanks Reeve." Elena nodded and walked over to the elevator. "C'mon Reno."

Reno followed and got in the elevator. Elena hit the top floor button and stood back… only to have the elevator go down and not up.

"What the hell?!" Reno growled. "Stupid elevator!"

He walked over and began punching the top floor button. "UP! UP I SAY! DON'T MAKE ME CAST BOLT ON YOU!"

"Reno." Elena sighed and slapped her forehead in dismay. The elevator stopped and the door opened to reveal Rude. Rude walked in and as Reno was still too damn busy yelling at the control panel and ready to hit it. Rude stood next to Elena, grabbed Reno by the collar, and yanked him back with all his strength, sending the redhead into the wall behind the two.

Elena pressed the top floor button and smiled at Rude. "Hi Rude."

Rude nodded and looked at Reno. "Nice to see you still alive pal."

Reno grumbled as he stood up and stood next to Rude. "Thanks. Pal."

The elevator headed up as the three talked over their news. Rude mentioned that the fridge was now mold free, and Elena and Reno updated Rude on the information they obtained. They then reached the top floor and the doors opened.

Reno walked over and talked to a secretary. "Yo. Have you seen Tseng by any chance."

The secretary looked up and smiled. "Yes. He wanted to see President Rufus. He's right upstairs."

"Thanks. Hey, would you like to get some coff--" Reno began and was interrupted by Rude grabbing him and dragging him away.

"I'll ask later!" Reno shouted out. Then he looked at Rude. "I can't ask a girl out for coffee?"

The three walked up the stairs and entered the main office. No one was there.

"Odd. She said he was here." Elena crossed her arms. "Rufus isn't even here either."

"Maybe the two went out and had hanky panky in the janitor's closet or something. I knew the two were gay for each other!" Reno jumped up with his theory. Elena and Rude smacked him in the back of the head.

"RENO!" The two yelled.

Rude then stopped and looked around. "Does anyone else hear that?"

The other two stopped and heard… rock music.

"Is that… music?" Elena asked.

Reno stood up. "A good way to have good sex is good music."

"RENO!" Elena yelled and jumped him, punching him multiple times. "Stop thinking that the President and Tseng are gay!"

Rude silenced the two and went to the door to the president's residential room. "It's "The Devil Went Down to Corel"."

Reno sighed and looked at Rude. "You and your rock music."

Elena shushed Reno. "Wait is that… Rufus and Tseng?"

"Get it Rufus!?" Tseng yelled from inside the room.

"Got it! Keep at it Tseng!" Rufus shouted. The two sounded like they were having fun.

"See Elena. They're gay!" Reno nudged Elena with his elbow. "Tseng's the topper!"

Elena punched Reno in the stomach. "Enough!"

"Guys! Will you--" Rude started but the door opened. Rufus and Tseng were standing there, fully dressed, and had… guitars in their hands.

Elena gave Reno a smug look. "I don't think they were doing that Reno."

"Doing what?" Tseng asked.

"Nothing sir." Rude answered. What are you two doing?"

"We were--" Rufus started.

"WHERE'S MY FOOD?!" Reno yelled. "You have three hungry Turks here!"

Rufus and Tseng looked at each other.

"We were waiting for food to arrive. We ordered some pizza and chocobo wings. They said it was going to take a while so me and Rufus were--" Tseng began to explain.

"You two were having sex!" Reno pointed at them. "Confess! You're gay for each other!"

Rufus glared at the red head. "No. We weren't. Say that again and I'll fire you on the spot."

"What's with the guitars?" Elena asked.

"We were playing Guitar Hero." Tseng answered. The two men held up their guitars. Indeed, they were the guitar game controllers. Rufus's was white with the Shinra logo on it. Tseng's was black with a gold dragon on his.

"Oh. Which game?" Rude asked.

"The third one. We we're playing co-op." Rufus grinned. "We just defeated the Devil himself in a nasty guitar battle."

"Then… what was with the shouting?" Elena grew nervous. She was thinking that it might have been a cover-up and Reno was right.

"Rufus had trouble with this one solo. He hit all the notes. We got proof with stats." Tseng stood from and doorway and with the guitar controller, showed the stats on the huge television.

"Well. Food still hasn't arrived yet." Rufus looked at his watch. "Wanna play the song in the credits then?"

"Playing "Through the Fire and Flames" on Expert?" Tseng smiled. "Would I skip on that?"

Reno looked at the two. "Wait a minute. Playing that song on expert is suicide!"

"Not for us Reno." Rufus grinned. "We were playing on expert for a while now. Reeve is getting up there too."

"Reeve plays Guitar Hero?" Rude asked.

"He's the only other person in the building who does." Tseng answered. "While we wait for food, you guys can sit and watch us play the hardest song in Guitar Hero on expert."

Rufus walked in and put the guitar strap around himself. "Ready?"

Tseng did the same with his guitar, cracked his knuckles and placed his fingers on the buttons. "Start us off sir."

The other three Turks sat in amazement as the two were playing the ending seven minute song on expert. Almost hitting every note that came out them. Elena bit her lip as she watched. Reno's jaw was hanging in shock.

"Mr. President. The pizza has--" A secretary popped her head in. No one was picking up the phone so she decided to go in personally to address the situation. The three Turks on the couch shushed the secretary.

"We'll be there in a minute." Elena whispered. "These two wanna finish this up before eating."

And so… the three Turks learned something today. Especially Reno, although he still stands by his theory that Rufus and Tseng are gay for each other… which they aren't.

--

I was actually playing Guitar Hero III when I came up with this chapter. I have another idea running around in my head so I'll have that one up soon. Until next time... Enjoy!


	6. Cash Cab

Well. Here was the other idea zooming around in my head. I had this idea for weeks and wrote it down. Disclaimer!

Rufus: Laili does not own anything in this fic except for the ninja squirrels not present in this chapter.

Enjoy!

--

Chapter 6

Cash Cab

It's raining, its dark out… and it made Rufus's day even more worse. The Turks and himself stood outside of a expensive place where a party was held. And it was just horrible for Rufus.

Let's name what happened today, he overslept, had a horrible meeting with the executives, he lost his lunch thanks to one of Hojo's experiments he had to check on (I mean… he ate it and you know. I won't go into details here), had a migrane, had to come to this dinner party, got glomped by rapid fan girls, Reno got drunk and embarrassed him in front of at least one hundred other rich people like himself, and the limo broke down when it started.

And so, he stands out in the rain, no umbrella, cold, with one drunk Turk and the others nearby, as Elena was calling down a taxi in which he must pay for. Today just sucked for the President of the Shinra Company.

"Are you alright sir?" Rude asked. Rufus glared at Rude.

"No. I am not Rude. Thank you for asking." Rufus growled. "Can today get any worse?"

"Once we're back in Shinra, we're done for the night." Tseng looked at his watch.

"Good. I'll grab a hot shower, something quick to eat and go to bed early." Rufus sighed in relief. "Maybe read a book."

Elena was calling for a taxi. A wave in the air and a "Hey! Taxi!" wasn't doing the job.

"Heya!" Reno hobbled around. "The day couldn't get any worse yo Prezzy Boy."

The drunk Reno took a sip out of his bottle of whiskey. Rude took the bottle and tossed it to Tseng.

"Hey! Dude! It was mine!" Reno hiccupped. Elena was still calling for a taxi. She then went to plan B.

"HEY! TAXI!" Elena shouted at the top of her lungs in anger and stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled so loud, all the men had to cover their ears. Except Reno who was singing like a happy drunk.

A taxi, almost like a van, pulled up to Elena. Elena hopped for joy and clapped her hands.

"I got the cab!" Elena called out. "Let's go back!"

She opened the door and hopped in, greeting the driver. Reno hobbled over and was suddenly kicked into the cab by Rude, who then dragged him into the back. Rufus went in and sat with Reno and Rude, Tseng was last in and closed the door.

"Shinra Building please." Elena told the driver.

"Okay." Said the man. He then looked over to his radio and pushed a button. Game show music and lights blew through the vehicle as Elena jumped in her heat, Rufus gasped, and Tseng and Rude whipped out pistols. The driver then turned around and smiled.

"You're in the Cash Cab it's a… can you two put the guns down. I'm not going to harm you." The driver spoke. Tseng and Rude looked at Rufus. Rufus nodded. Both men placed their pistols back into their blazers.

"Ahem… You're in the Cash Cab. It's a TV game show that takes place right here in my taxi." The driver smiled as he restarted. Everyone just stared at him.

"Your point?" Rufus asked. "I'd like to go to the Shinra Building NOW."

"I'm your host Ben Bailey and--"

"WILL YOU JUST GET TO YOUR POINT!" Rufus shouted. Reno lingered in his seat over to Rufus, who Rufus just pushed into the window. All other Turks remained silent.

"I will be asking you general knowledge questions to your destination--" Ben started.

"Why aren't you driving?" Rufus asked.

"I'm explaining the rules sir. Hold on. Almost done." Ben held his hand up. Rufus crossed his arms.

"I will be asking you general knowledge questions to your destination, earning gil on the way. Get three strikes and I will have to pull you over and kick you out." Ben explained.

"You wouldn't dare kick the President of the Shinra Company out into the rain." Rufus growled.

"You do have 2 shout outs, a mobile and a street one, to help you if you're stuck on a question." Ben explained.

"Okay. We done now?" Tseng asked.

"Yes. Are we ready to play?" Ben asked.

"Yes!" Elena jumped in her seat for joy. "I saw this on TV. We don't have to pay any money for this at all. We get a free cab ride as long as we don't get three questions wrong."

"The lady knows the game. Lets go!" Ben began to drive. "Names?"

"Tseng."

"Elena!"

"Rude."

"President Rufus Shinra."

"Hic. Reno yo." Reno drooled on the window.

"Alright. These questions are worth 25 gil a piece." Ben started. "What color is summon materia?"

Elena leaned over. "It's red."

Tseng looked up. "Red."

"That is correct!" Ben cheered for joy. The lights turned on for a moment.

"Pretty pretty lights…" Reno drunkly said.

--

They gained up to 300 gil. No strikes.

"Okay. These are worth 100 gil a piece." Ben stated. "How many Kupo nuts total does it take to make Mog fly in the famous Gold Saucer game?"

Everyone looked at each other. Elena grew worried.

"Oh… Reno played that game in Gold Saucer." Elena looked the drunk Reno. "But he's too intoxicated to remember."

"I think it was eight total." Rude spoke. "I was next to him while he played it."

"We'll take it." Tseng nodded. "Eight."

"Eight is correct." Ben Bailey cheered. "And we have reached a red light and that triggers a 'Red Light CHALLEEEEEEENNNGGGEEEE!'"

"Okay. This is how it goes. You have thirty seconds to get all parts of this question right in order to get another 250 gil." Ben explained. "Name out anything you can think of, alright."

Everyone nodded.

"Name five out of six colors of chocobos. Ready… go." Ben started the timer.

"Yellow!" Rude spoke up.

"Green!" Elena clapped.

"Blue." Rufus answered. So far, everything was right.

"Gold." Tseng answered.

"You need one more." Ben spoke. "You have 20 seconds left."

Everyone looked at each other. There was one more?

"Red!"

"Orange!"

"Purple!"

Reno spoke form the black seat. "Black."

"Black isn't right!" Rufus shouted.

"You got them all! Black was correct!" Ben spoke happily. "You also could of said white."

Everyone looked at Reno. He was right yet drunk at the same time.

"I ain't stupid yo." Reno slurred. "I lurve chocobos."

--

"Okay. We have one more block to go. This is your last question. You have two strikes and used up all your shout outs. This one is worth 200 gil." Ben spoke. You are at 850 gil."

Everyone nodded but Reno. Their street shout out gave them a strike, but their mobile shout out to Reeve saved them.

"What happens in the Final Act of LOVELESS?" Ben Bailey asked. "And we are at your destination, so this is your last question."

Everyone looked at each other.

"Anyone read LOVELESS?!" Rufus asked. Rude shook his head. Tseng shrugged. Elena looked at them.

"I never even read it. I have a copy at home." Elena said.

"Nothing." Reno slurred. "There was no… Final Act."

"Reno. There has to be a final act!" Tseng shouted. "Don't listen to him."

"They never get the Gift of the Goddess?" Rufus asked. "I heard that a few times. I think it's the answer."

"Okay. Everyone agree?" Tseng asked. Everyone nodded.

"They never get the Gift of the Goddess." Tseng answered. There was a moment of silence. Everyone leaned forward, waiting to see if it was right.

"Should of listened to the drunk red head." Ben sighed. "That's three strikes. Time to get out."

Everyone but Reno's jaw dropped. They lost 1050 gil for that!?

Rufus's blood pressure was going up. "WHAT?!"

"Reno was right." Ben shrugged. "But… you did get a free cab ride out of it."

"He's right sir." Rude adjusted his sunglasses. "It was fun though."

Tseng opened the door. "Let's get going. Thank you Mr. Bailey."

"No problem." Ben smiled. Everyone got out, Reno was shoved out by Rude and Rude closed the door. Everyone then headed into the Shinra Building.

"Turks. I have your next assignment." Rufus started as he stopped. All the Turks turned around, Reno just spun and collapsed on the ground.

"We are all going to read LOVELESS." Rufus smiled. "You are all dismissed. Good night."

Everyone nodded. Rude grabbed Reno and dragged him inside.

--

Ben sat in the taxi as they went out.

"And sadly… no one listened to the drunk red head. But they did… get a free cab ride." Ben smiled at the camera, turned, and drive off into the night.

--

Okay. Cash Cab is a real show that plays on the Discovery Channel. Ben Bailey is the host, and he drives around NYC quizzing people who get in his taxi to their destination. I thought I put Rufus and Turks into this situation.

I'd like to thank my dear friend Reiji for helping me come up with questions

Well. Enjoy and see you later!


	7. Lost

Okay, it's been a while. I've been busy with things. Anywho. Here's another chapter.

I do not own anything FFVII except for the ninja squirrels not present in this fic.

Enjoy!

--

"Great. Just great!" Elena threw her hands in the air in anger. "Thanks to Reno! We have crashed on a deserted island!"

"It wasn't my fault that a Zu flew in and smacked the helicopter making itself road kill!" Reno argued with Elena.

Tseng and Rude stood there as they watched the helicopter in a mass set of flames on the beach of the island. Elena and Reno argued at the edge of the beach near what was a jungle over the accident.

Tseng began rubbing his forehead. "Well, this isn't my first time, but lets see about making those two shut up and cooperate and see about getting off this island."

"Yes sir." Rude nodded and walked over to Elena and Reno, whom were still arguing. Rude began to intervene. "Guys. Come on, we need to--"

"SHUT UP!" Both Reno and Elena yelled at Rude and resumed arguing. Tseng growled as he whipped out his gun and shot it in the air, making nearby birds fly off and silencing the argument.

"ENOUGH!" Tseng yelled. All three Turks lined up and stood up straight as Tseng calmed down and put his gun away. "Now is not the time to argue about this. We need to find a way to get off this island. First, we need shelter, food, fresh water, and fire. Our camp shall be here, since the chopper is still in flames the smoke might help us. Reno, you and I are going to get some wood. We'll use our parachutes as tents held up by some wood. Elena, locate a fresh water source. Rude, Remain here and try and call for help or make something to get someone's attention."

Everyone nodded, Reno looked at Tseng like he grew a tail. "Yo, why aren't I doing the tech stuff! That's my job!"

Tseng growled. "Because the last time something like this happened, you ended up electrocuting our radio which short-circuited it… and we ended up waiting two more days for help. So, everyone, hand Rude your cell phones."

Everyone reached into their blazers and grabbed their cell phones. Each handing them to Rude. Rude reached into his pocket for his sunglasses repair kit and nodded.

"Everyone, yell if there is a problem." Tseng looked at the Turks. "Now, lets get settled down for the night.

--

The tents were made out of their parachutes and some fallen branches, a fire was made, and Rude sat there in the sand trying to make a signal with their cell phones, since there was no service on the island, or in a ten mile radius.

"I'm hungry." Reno held his hand to his growling stomach. "I haven't eaten all day."

"You mean you had no breakfast!" Elena panicked. "Reno! That's the most important meal of the day!"

"Yeah well, I prefer my beauty sleep, and I overslept." Reno sat back. "I'm hungry. Tseng! Can we--"

"No Reno." Tseng said as he added some wood to the fire. "We will not resort to cannibalism."

Reno sighed in defeat as he wanted to scare Elena with cannibalism. Elena shivered as she had her knees to her chin in the sand.

"Well, we are near the ocean, maybe we can catch some fish?" Elena looked at the other Turks. Reno glared at her.

"Do I look like I carry a fishing rod with me!?" Reno snapped. Rude sat there and whipped out a knife and handed it to Reno.

"What's this for?" Reno snarled. "I'm going to STAB the fish!"

"Make a spear Reno." Rude said as he went back to tinkering with the phones. Tseng nodded.

"Make two spears, we'll both go fishing." Tseng rustled the fire with a stick. "Elena can stay here and keep the fire going and make some skewers.

"… And Rude will still be tech support. GREAT!" Reno got up and sighed in anger. He walked over to edge of the jungle and grabbed two sticks, sat down, and began to make homemade spears.

"What is your problem Reno!" Elena snapped. "You've been acting like a child since this whole thing!"

"And you've been PMSing too much!" Reno snapped back.

"Here we go again." Rude muttered as Reno and Elena argued again. Tseng sighed as he began to yell.

"WILL YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF!"

Elena and Reno were silenced by Tseng's outburst.

"This isn't the time to argue. We might be here for days… maybe weeks." Tseng started. "If you want to get out of here alive, I suggest shutting up and cooperating. I don't have any painkillers for my headaches and I won't have it with you two. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir." Both of them sighed.

"Good." Tseng grabbed one of the spears Reno made and tested it's sharpness. "Let's go Reno."

Reno got up and looked at Tseng. "We're going to fish in our suits!? Are you nuts!? They'll shrink unless they're dry cleaned!"

Tseng stopped where he was and stuck his spear in the ground, then proceeded to take off his suit. Reno did the same.

Elena went red as she turned around and proceeded not to look. "Thanks for NOT warning me."

Reno smiled as he stood there in his boxers. "It's okay 'Lena. We know how much you enjoyed it."

Elena turned and glared at Reno, she then grabbed a small rock and hit Reno square in the back of the head. Reno fell into the sand face first as Tseng walked by in his boxers.

"Lets go Reno." Tseng walked by and got into the water. Reno grumbled, got up and went into the ocean.

"SHIT! COLD… COLD WATER! FUCK!" Reno shivered as he stood in the water. Elena sat there laughing her head off as Rude continued to work on communicating with the outside world.

--

"Think they'll find us?" Elena asked as she turned her skewered fish as it roasted in the fire. Reno and Tseng were somewhat dressed. Reno only had his pants on, Tseng had his white shirt and pants on.

"No idea." Reno sniffled as he turned his fish. "Prez-boy must of already sent help out looking for us."

"Quite possibly." Rude said, his tie and blazer was gone as he cooked his fish. "We were suppose to call once we were at Mideel."

Tseng sighed. "We just have to sit tight and wait it out. Elena, pass me the water."

Elena turned and retrieved a half a coconut shell, containing water in it. A water source was just a few feet in the jungle behind them. She handed it to Tseng and to the other Turks.

"I could go for a nice shot of cold tequila." Reno sighed.

"I could go for a shower." Elena checked her fish to see of it was done.

"I could go for getting home and seeing my fish." Rude began to eat his fish.

"I could go for salt and pepper on this fish." Tseng said after taking a bite out of his. Everyone began to laugh at Tseng's remark.

"Where am I going to sleep?" Reno sighed as he looked into his tent. "Next to Rude… on the right… cuddled with Elena."

Elena smacked Reno in the back of the head as she walked over to her parachute tent. "I'll make sure you don't reproduce if you think or say that again."

"Enough guys." Rude yawned and took his sunglasses off.

Everyone got in. Three tents, one for Elena, one for Reno and Rude, and one for Tseng. One parachute was made for beds for each Turk.

Tseng threw some more wood on the fire and began to go to his tent. A horrifying shriek came from Elena in her tent.

All the guys bolted out as they found Elena cowering in a corner in fear.

"Elena?" Tseng got in. "What's wrong?!"

"SNAKE!" Elena cried out. "There was a snake."

Reno tried very hard not to laugh as Rude elbowed him. Tseng sighed as he picked up the snake and tossed it out with a stick.

This was going to be a long night.

--

"I'm bored." Reno laid out on the sand as Elena was cooking some fish for breakfast the next morning.

"Go for a swim." Elena brought the idea up.

"I just did in order to get breakfast." Reno looked at Elena.

"Which you failed so horribly at." Elena giggled.

"Shut up." Reno hissed.

Tseng walked by over to Rude. "Any luck?"

"Not yet." Rude wiped his forehead. Tseng sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "Well, lets eat and see about making the tents snake-proof."

--

Day passed, no one had come yet.

"I'm frying… like a pizza in an oven." Reno moaned as he looked at his sunburned self.

"Don't mention pizza Reno. I'd devour a whole pizza right now." Rude sighed as he was wiring up the cell phones.

Elena looked around as she stood in torn Turk pants, made into shorts and a tank top which was underneath her white shirt.

"Talking about pizza isn't helping one bit." Elena moaned. Tseng was pacing around thinking as the other Turks sat in front of their tents.

"Tseng, are you on drugs or something?" Reno panted. "It's so hot to even move and you're walking around!"

"I'm thinking!" Tseng said. His shirt was gone and he too, made shorts out of his pants. "Rude, anything?"

Rude made one minor adjustment until a beeping noise was heard. "Yes! I have made a signal for the scanners to catch up on!"

Everyone cheered.

"Finally! A nice cold bubble bath, a glass of wine, and lotion!" Elena jumped for joy and hugged Rude.

"Alcohol, pizza… WOMEN!" Reno jumped up. "I was going to resort to having Elena carry my children if we spent one more--"

"RENO!" Elena yelled. "I would NEVER want to carry your horrible species of you and give you children."

"Enough you two." Tseng sighed in relief.

"What do you want to go home to?" Reno asked.

"A comfy bed, air conditioning, coffee, and stupid paperwork." Tseng spoke.

"Oh. My. God." Reno's jaw dropped. "After all this time of making us do paperwork… HE DOES HATE IT!"

Everyone laughed.

"Well, how about we have some fun?" Elena smiled. "Let's go swimming!"

Reno sat there in the sand and panted. "And get burned? Hell no."

"Suit yourself!" Elena ran into the ocean. Tseng shrugged and sighed.

"I can go for a refreshing swim." Tseng walked over to the ocean and slowly went in. Rude also got up and began to follow.

"Don't leave me behind Buddy! Pal! Partner!" Reno tried to call him back.

"It's okay Reno, have fun getting sand in your ass. I haven't gone in the water yet." Rude chuckled as he went to the ocean to swim.

Reno mocked Rude by mimicking his last remark, got up and ran over to them. "WAIT FOR ME!"

--

"Tseng! Elena! Reno! Rude!" Rufus yelled as he hopped off a helicopter and walked over to the came, followed by Shinra soldiers.

It was dark, the fire was going, and Tseng popped his head out. "Sir?"

Rufus looked over as the half-awake, half dressed, and sunburned Tseng stood before him. Rufus looked at him and nodded.

"Where are the others?" Rufus asked.

"Sleeping." Tseng answered.

The soldiers were already waking up the other Turks as Tseng went over what happened with Rufus. Elena came out, followed by Rude who was dragging a sleeping Reno who was in his boxers to Rufus.

Rufus sighed and looked at Rude. "Wake Reno up."

Rude turned and kicked Reno in the side.

"HEY! What the--" Reno looked up. "PREZ-BOY! HOW YA BEEN?! WELCOME TO RENOTOPIA!"

"What?" Elena looked at Reno like he was crazy.

"Renotopia?" Tseng asked.

"There's only one "Girl gone wild!" and we have an awesome party!" Reno snapped his fingers and pointed at everyone.

Rude then smacked Reno in the back of the head.

"Ow!"

"Enough." Rufus held his hand up. "Just get on the chopper and we'll go home."

"YES!" Elena jumped for joy and ran to the chopper. "COLD BUBBLE BATH HERE I COME!"

Everyone followed suit as Reno stopped and talked to Rufus.

"So, how was the name, there was no name for this island, so can we name it after me?" Reno asked.

"After the pilot responsible for crashing on a remote island. Maybe." Rufus hopped on the chopper.

"That is a yes right?" Reno asked. "You're joking right?"

"Might as well map it and give it a name." Rufus said.

"SWEET! GOODBYE RENOTOPIA!" Reno kissed his hands and held them out as he hopped on.

"We're not naming it Renotopia though." Rufus said.

"Dammit." Reno snapped his fingers as everyone laughed.

END.

--

I need to stop watching Discovery Channel, I was watching Man vs. Wild when this came to mind.

Thanks and enjoy!


End file.
